07 JunEpisode 155 | Bonus: Annie reads animal trainer Ilana Alderman’s 14 tips on getting a toddler to brush his teeth

One of Annie's best friends is Ilana Alderman, an animal trainer who, over the last few years, has been using what she knows about behavior to help create fun games for her son -- games that enrich his brain and games that require her to consider consequences, appropriate rewards, and antecedent arrangements in order to help him engage in necessary behaviors using positive reinforcement rather than punishment or coercion. Episode features a special appearance by Magnolia Pedicone, who is 2.5 years old.

Find Ilana on Instagram @baby_enrichment and on the web at Childcooperativecare.com.
Find this blog post here: 14 Tips for Brushing Your Toddler’s Teeth Without Tears.

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Transcript:

Annie:

So there is this incredible person who I have been trying to get to be on the podcast for literally years. Now, she is one of the most interesting people I know, period. And certainly one of the most interesting animal trainers I know.  Her approach to animal training fascinates me endlessly. And what's hilarious is she is one of my very best friends, and the amount of pleading I've done with her to come on the podcast, I mean, it's pretty ridiculous.

 

And there are two reasons. One, she's a full-time mom and especially in this last pandemic year really hasn't had a lot of reliable alone time. And the other reason is she is more of a perfectionist than I am. I'm like, let's just have a conversation. It'll be awesome. We'll just talk about you and animal training and how could it be bad, but she, you know, wants to know what questions I'm going to ask in advance and wants to be able to prepare.

 

So it's been, it's been a struggle, but I think I have finally convinced her to come on as a guest. This incredible person is named Ilana Alderman. And sometimes on Mondays when I've been able to get my act together over the last few months, I've just read things that I have found online or that I have in actual real books, things that have impacted me or made me think about behavior and dogs and humans in new ways.

 

And so in advance of her coming on School for the Dogs podcast as a guest in the next week or two, I'm hoping, I thought I would read this fabulous blog post she wrote about training her favorite animal to train to brush his teeth. And her favorite animal to train is her two year old son. 

 

She has this new blog called childcooperativecare.com. She's also on Instagram @baby_enrichment. And she has been talking about parenting from the perspective of someone who has trained many species of animals and is now focusing on one species and one individual of that species above all.

 

So I thought today I would just read her blog post, which she put up a couple months ago on this new blog. It is called “14 tips for brushing your toddler's teeth without tears.” Of course, I will also link to this in the show notes. And if you go there, you can see how adorable her little boy is. And some video.  Here we go:

 

When I began brushing my son Eytan’s teeth, I made so many mistakes. I tried lots of things. Some worked, some didn't. I had to get over a few setbacks when I rushed to get it done and forced it. Luckily kids are resilient and I was able to learn from my mistakes. I decided to share what has worked for me so that you can hopefully benefit from my experience and be inspired to come up with your own games.

 

Brushing teeth the gentle way takes more time and attention upfront, and it could take you weeks to work up to it. But once you're there, you'll be so glad you made the effort. I've gone from mildly dreading toothbrushing time to actually looking forward to it.

 

1. Make toothbrushing a family affair. Have a toothbrushing party where everyone at home brushes at once. When I began establishing toothbrushing with Eyton, I announced, Time to brush teeth! with great ceremony. And we all walked over to the bathroom together to brush.

 

This sometimes works for immediate brushing, but even if not, it helps establish that brushing is something normal we all do and enjoy and isn't a special torture adults have devised for tormenting small children. Every time you, the adult, brush your teeth, announce it proudly and with joy.

 

2. Show them how to do it close up. Show your child how you put the toothbrush in your mouth and brush slowly, open your mouth wide so she can see everything. Let her touch make happy sounds and faces to show how good it feels to brush your teeth.

 

3. Let your child play with the toothbrush. When you were first starting out, let your child play at brushing her teeth even if she isn't doing a good job. When she is done, take a second toothbrush and brush her teeth with it.  Later, when brushing is a bit more normal and boring, switch the order you brush first, and then she gets to brush second for as long as she likes.

 

I have to pause to say that speaking of small children, I can hear mine is coming into the apartment from the park. So she is possibly about to make a cameo here.

 

4. Start with very short increments and use praise. Only brush your child's teeth for one or two seconds at first. Briefly switch to a different activity and come back for two more seconds. Praise your child while the toothbrush is inside her mouth actively making contact with her teeth rather than before or after, with the height of your excitement and praise at the moment her mouth is opened the widest. Try to take the toothbrush out before she closes her mouth.  Work up to three or four seconds. 

 

For the longest time, I only brushed four to five seconds at a time working each section of the mouth separately with a few seconds break between brushing.  Brush, brush, brush, play, brush, brush brush. I stayed at ten second intervals for weeks. And now I alternate between brushing Eytan's entire mouth at once and breaking it up into 10 second chunks.

 

5. Switch to a softer toothbrush. I find that even soft bristled toothbrushes designed for small children are pretty abrasive. I switched to an extra soft toothbrush, and it has made a big difference. I like it better for myself too, and find toothbrushing actually pleasurable now and not only a necessary chore.  Since toddlers have more sensitive mouths an extra soft toothbrush can take away some of the discomfort when brushing.

 

Speaking as someone who has purchased seven, yes, seven different toothbrushes for her son, including two electric ones, extra soft bristle brushes are the way to go. Mine is the extra soft nano toothbrush by Lingito and she says, I'm not affiliated with them in any way. 

 

Hi, I'm recording something. Hold on. Let me pause. You want to say hi? Can you say hi?

 

[kissing sounds]

 

What do you say to Poppy? Huh? 

 

[Magnolia speaking]

 

Annie:

You went to the park and you went in the water in the auga?

 

Magnolia:

No.

 

Annie:

What did you do?

 

Magnolia:

[inaudible]

 

Annie:

You went to the park and there was agua there? Was it fun? You got cold in the agua?

 

Magnolia:

Yeah.

 

Annie:

Oh, do you want to drink some water now? Why don’t you go drink some agua, it's going to feel good. You should go drink in the [inaudible]. Whoa. What does Poppy say? What'd she say?

 

Magnolia:

Oof oof.

 

Annie:

Oof Oof? Okay. Now everyone who listens to mommy's podcasts knows what doggies say.

 

She says agua for water and casa for house. Because our fantastic babysitter, who's her second Mommy, speaks to her in Spanish most of the time. Okay. All right. Where did I end here? Okay.

 

Ilana writes:

 

Mine is the extra soft nano toothbrush by Lingito. I'm not affiliated with them in any way.

 

6. Buy yummy toothpaste. This was a game-changer. I bought Tanner's tasty paste and vanilla and chocolate. The vanilla is the best. I tried it. And it's so delicious. I wish I could eat the pudding this smells like. This has made a huge difference in our brushing. I'm not affiliated with them either.

 

7. Watch videos on the joys of toothbrushing.  Eytan and I watched dozens of YouTube videos, showing children, brushing their teeth, adults brushing their teeth, animals brushing their teeth, cartoon characters brushing their teeth. You get the picture. I'm all for limiting screen time for kids. But if you're going to show them videos anyway, make it work for you.

 

The videos helped us enormously. They made Eytan want to try the things he was seeing instead of having brushing be a thing he does because I tell him to. If you can get toothbrushing videos of people your child knows, it will go a long way.

 

That's a funny idea. It's a good idea, right? Like asking people you know to send videos of themselves brushing their teeth. It sounds like some kind of weird art project actually. 

 

8. Let your child brush your teeth. I introduced Eytan to the game, I brush yours. You brush mine where the reward for allowing me to brush his teeth for a few seconds is that he gets to go to town on mine. Not going to lie. You might get stabbed in the palette. So keep a hand braced to soften the impact. 

 

9. Brush your child's teeth in front of a large mirror.  Brush in front of a mirror at the child's level. If your kid is anything like mine, she's going to love looking at herself doing something so grown up. You can also set up a little toothbrushing station with a small table and mirror at child level.

 

10. Brush while filming your child on your smartphone.  Set your phone to film so the child can watch herself like in a mirror. As you record, this serves two purposes. It makes that particular brushing session more interesting. And that allows you to relive your success and rewatch the video with your child over and over again over days and weeks showing her how good she was being and praising her.

 

My son loves watching himself on the screen, and when I want to get him into brushing mood, when he'd rather do something else, I sometimes show him a video of himself having a great time brushing.

 

11. Set up a reward at the end of the brushing. When your toddler doesn't want to play at brushing teeth, and let's face it, it gets boring, plan ahead so you have a highly desirable activity set up for after the brushing. When she asks to do the activity, say yes, okay, but first teeth.  A puzzle she hasn't seen in a while, a toy, or the most effective anything that child initiates that strikes her fancy.

 

When Eytan really wants me to build his cabin, a blanket on top of his small table. And I give him the yes, but first teeth line, he runs up to me with his mouth open as if to say, get on with it then!

 

Timing is key for this one to work long-term. The instant you are done brushing, tell him you can now do the desired activity. Don't delay. Not even for a second. You can even talk about the activity and how fun it will be while you brush. This helps the child makes the immediate connection between brushing and getting to do the fun thing and builds trust for the next time you brush.

 

For a while, one of my go-to brushing games was let me brush for 10 seconds and I'll pick you up Wee like an airplane, a few times. I brushed, lifted him several times to the point of giggles, then set him down again. I'd ask and he opened his mouth for another go. Here's what it looked like.

 

And then she has a video, which you can play if you go to the blog post yourself.

 

12. Be playful. Once the child reacts to the sight of the toothbrush positively, you're ready to use toothbrushing in play as part of daily life. The key to using play successfully is to enter the child's current play world and build on it. Let me give you a few examples. The other day Eytan was a tiger. I told him, you are a big tiger. You have big sharp tiger teeth. Oh no. Your big sharp teeth are dirty! Eytan the tiger, you roar and I’ll brush your dirty teeth. Instant, big open mouth followed.

 

Another evening. He was playing with his excavators and didn't want to stop. I pretended to brush the excavator’s teeth. Eytan laughed, lifted the excavator as if giving it an airplane ride and wanted a turn.

 

And another time he was a firefighter breaking into burning buildings, our entryway table, with his ax, a toy gardening rake, to save his baby chipmunk. This is a favorite pastime. Eytan, you are a big fireman. The fireman knows how to open his mouth very big! Boom, open mouth.

 

As you can see these prompts take very little time. Toothbrushing doesn't mean fun is over. It only means the fun is taking a pleasant little detour. Notice: I get down on the floor so I am at his level and wait until he turns to me and makes eye contact before saying anything.

 

13. When all else fails, use a distraction. Unfortunately, toothbrushing has to happen regularly. Unlike other medical and self care behaviors that can be trained over time, toothbrushing has to happen every day. This makes working up to it really hard. When all the above strategies fail, I take a break for 20 minutes or so, and then put him in front of the TV. The break is important so he doesn't think all he has to do to get access to TV is say no to toothbrushing.

 

I tell him everyone brushes their teeth. I do. His dad does, and every person we know. I list several friends and relatives here. I tell him, I don't ask, that I'm going to brush his teeth and we can watch TV at the same time. The reason I don't ask is that I want asking to always mean he has a choice to say no, not sometimes you have a choice, sometimes not.

 

As long as his eyes are on the screen. I gently force the brushing, holding him from behind.  Note: Don't pin your toddler on her back for this or she will gag on her saliva and think you're waterboarding her.  A gentle restraint from behind is enough. If he's bothered enough to break his eyes away from the screen, or if he pushes my hand away and squirms, I stop only to resume a few seconds later when he's absorbed in the TV.

 

Watching TV is so rewarding he will put up with most things this way. It's not my favorite, but he remains calm and isn't physically fighting me or crying. I only do the TV trick very rarely. When I do, I reevaluate my plan. Does my child need to brush earlier in the evening before he's overtired, did we have an especially busy day? What can I change next time?

 

Similar to the TV trick is the book distraction method. Sometimes when it gets late and Eytan is eager for bed, I use a book to distract him. I don't force the brushing like I do when using the TV, but it isn't a playful cooperation either. He tolerates the brushing because he's interested in the book.

 

In the video (which she puts below,) I chose a book, Eytan likes and casually brushed his teeth as I told stories about the pictures in the book. It's not perfect, but it's good enough and there are no tears.

 

15. Stay proactive. If your child is sweet and cooperative with toothbrushing, don't rest on your laurels. You want an enthusiastic Yes when you suggest brushing. Behavior tends to either get better or worse. So if you're noticing a waning and enthusiasm towards toothbrushing, change your setup.  As your child grows, adjust what you do along with his needs.

 

Starting around age two or two and a half, toddlers respond well to stories about the sugar bugs that live in their teeth making holes, or any other stories you make up that inspire them to brush.  You know your child best.  Stay ahead of the game and think of new ways to delight your child as you brush together. It takes effort, but given that this is something you will do together twice a day, everyday for years, it is so worth it.

 

You can read this blog, post and others at Ilana's website, childcooperativecare.com.